FATHERING, FATHERHOOD, FATHERS;

In the strictest sense of the word, fathers are males who have sired off-springs. But it is widely accepted that fathers are also those males who have either adopted, or had a hand in raising, influencing, mentoring, guiding children, young adults or even other mature adults. Fathering may be defined as causing a pregnancy, or raising, up a child. Again here, one can be said to be fathering an individual even if he did not create the pregnancy. Fatherhood is the state of being a father, whether by natural biological means or otherwise. Clearly, fathers, fathering and fatherhood are very important in the lives of humans in bringing about balance and equity, in the socialisation process and generally providing a holistic perspective to human development as well as successful, efficient and effective interaction.

I wish to posit that in large measure, fathering, fathers and fatherhood have had a positive influence and achieved the purpose they were designed to. Great numbers of men have walked in that purpose of being that father, fathering and enjoying fatherhood whether they did so for their own heirs or for others who had to missed that influence from their own through death, incarceration, mental health issues or abuse. Many babies, toddlers, young children, teens young adults or even mature adults have been well served from that plate of parenting.

Unfortunately, a large number of others have not been so well privileged. Vast numbers of fathers, mainly biological ones have failed to live up to their responsibilities even when they were not dead, locked away, or have full use of their mental faculties and are not not child-abusers. Many reasons may have contributed to that situation and many stories can be created and told from it as well.

For me, I have had a rather interesting experience from being fathered by my Dad. In many instances I can attest to have been fathered and in others, well, maybe not, or maybe not well fathered. My dad was present in raising me, offered some guidance, albeit in strange circumstances and sometimes among tangles and thorns of abuse, I found elements of influence that today I believe has been positive. Mind you, I am in no way sanctioning abuse by fathers. I vehemently detest the torrents of physical abuse my mother encountered from Daddy, and on occasion what we ourselves had to experience as well. What I am saying is that all the encounters and interactions with him have been teachable moments, although I might not have always realised that then. Surely, there were numerous fun times of being fed by him, enjoying the bread-baking, receiving that treat when he came home because he knew what we liked, and oh, the hugs that daddies give to their children. There was definitely humour in his speeches as well. I learned to show affection to, spend time with my children, propel them forward to excel in school among others. His drunken state and abuse also were instrumental in teaching me what not to accept in a future mate and gave me an aversion towards alcohol use.

So fathers in particular, I urge you to, as much as lieth in you, as far as possible, endeavour to be that father of indomitable strength, positive influence, real substance, spiritual height, moral fortitude, affectionate cords and an all-round man of character in the lives of your child or children. In every stage of their lives, they will need you to be there for them in different ways. Be that shelter, cover, shade, covering, life source, anchor, in the same way as our heavenly father is that for us.

To the would-be, prospective, potential fathers, as hard as it may become, DO NOT give up on your children, DO NOT allow another man to raise your child. Be that father that fathers his off-springs in the garden of fatherhood, where weeds are possible, thorns and thistles are lurking and insects lie hidden. Provide flowing water, nutrients, pruning, chopping, beautification and a peaceful ambience for growth, development and repose.