I usually get pretty hyped about my birthday because I believe that one’s Day of Gracing this world with his or presence is an awesome day, an honourable day, a day to be cherished and celebrated in a huge, flamboyant way.
This year I determined that I would do a fifty day reflective journal complete with new nuggets of affirmations, encouragement, pictures and a slogan, “Fifties Queen! Not going back there………” This was really for me a way of prompting myself to fully and purposely embrace the emerging mature woman that I was becoming, as I learned to push myself to the next level of wholesomeness, bravery, self-confidence and fearlessness. I also believe that numbers have special meaning and while I am not anywhere versed in numerology, I was always held that the numbers seven, three and ten are pretty significant. Of course 10 being for my date of birth in the sixth month, three because of the trinity as per my spiritual leanings as is seven for a sense of completion.
And so when on June 07th 2022, I noted that there were three days left for my birthday I began feeling even more excited and elated that a sense of accomplishment was achieved and I would be staring down the barrel of attaining the age of Fifty-Seven Years on June the tenth. Imagine then on that very day, the awful heartbreaking news from La Belle Dominique, my lovely Nature Isle, that a young preteen of 12yrs, had allegedly been abducted from her usual place of residence at a vey late hour of the night! What completion could that signify? What exactly had been brewing for God knows how long and had come to a head on June 07th?
Following that bit of horrendous news things seemed to plunge down the falaise of wild speculation, grievous accusations, eyebrow-raising and eye-opening “melee” and “debas`” as everyone tried to piece together what exactly had occurred. An alleged “lunatic/mentally unstable/demon possessed/led young man had been blamed for the cruel abduction. An “adopted” mother and father, the latter being the biological uncle of the abductor were at the centre with mixed versions and dubiously uttered words. The parents of the young man, the biological father of the child as well as her maternal grandmother all produced bits of information that again raised eyebrows and opened eyes.
Three days later on June 10th, I welcomed my birthday with a joyousness and an “Oshaness ” I had long been expecting. I was glad that for one more year I was able to give thanks for blessings, grace and mercy, the strides I’d made in self-growth and development, the many lessons learned from off-putting episodes in my life and look forward to another year of strides and forward movements of positivity. But, but, but the image of the child, Kernisha, kept re-appearing in my mind’s mirror. So having returned home from work, expecting to get into another phase of celebration, I sat outside in my yard for four hours doing nothing. I was gripped and bound with ropes of disbelief, numbness, fright and a whole plethora of emotions that immobilised me in a most depressing manner. Celebratory thoughts and feeling were on the backbench as I struggled to come to terms with the unfortunate situation. Again my eyebrows were raised and my eyes were opening wider as I thought of the many young females within my family. What if it were one of them? What if one of us who had met our demise in that way. Simultaneously I was captivated by a strong sense of irritation from the varying sets of stories that were emerging out of the debacle and kept thinking; trauma, trauma, trauma! sexual abuse, domestic violence, migration, abandonment, legalism, shame, guilt, hurt, self-fulfilling prophecy, mental health awareness, minors and their safety, frustration etc, etc, etc!
Where was I to go with this? How should I respond? I am in no way trained as either a psychologist, counsellor, or therapist. The little psychology and counselling classes I did as apart of my training as an educator and even during my years of completing my University studies do not qualify me to provide expert views. However, as an educator for over thirty-six years, a child witnessing and in some instances experiencing domestic abuse and some measure of sexual impropriety, listening to former and current students provide heart-breaking episodes of untoward home life, I know that there are things I can say. Additionally, as the mother of three young adults, one female and two males, an aunty to countless nieces and nephews, some of whom have undergone their own unfair share of trauma, I can say a few words.
Kernisha’s situation, the “comesse”, “torrie”, “melee”, “zansfaire” and “debas’ that envelopes and stains the alleged abduction seem to have deep roots. Childhood trauma across generational lines is very real. Inconsistent levels of childcare and childrearing, shaky and unhealthy family settings, lack of self-worth, value and srlf-esteem, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, insensitivity to, and, or ignorance of mental health awareness and harsh protocols have continued to wreak havoc among many Caribbean Communities. As more dubious, varying accounts of the harrowing ordeal of her disappearance continued to surface past June 10th, more eyebrows were raised, more eyes began being opened and again I asked myself
“What if it were one of us?”
One of my nieces, great or great-grand nieces? What if it were one of my sons, nephews, great or great-grand nephews?
One of my cousins, siblings, daughter, or I myself, being caught up in the swirling currents, swallowing mudslides and terrifying winds of being either the victim, perpertrator, caregiver, parent or other relative? Twenty seven days later there has been no sign of the child, the alleged perpetrator has been killed and the stories from those around, continue to reveal in silent tones, loud, unspoken secrets of vatying shades of grey.
It’s raising eyebrows and opening eyes! As a result, I am offering seven poignant reminders for all of us to pay attention to.
1. Every adult needs to know what takes him/ her over the edge, at the end of the rope and what to do to effectively handle the situation for a positive outcome.
2. Every child needs to be in an environment that is safe, nurturing and healthy for his/her holistic development and progress.
3. Every child MUST be taught, encouraged to learn to determine what is NOT a good, positive vibe for his/her wellbeing.
4. Adults who harm children on account of receiving self-serving gains should NOT be allowed to get away with their actions.
5. Children MUST be able to express themselves when they DO NOT feel safe.
6. Everyone needs to have Strong Support Systems.
7. Every effort must be made to deal with hostile situations humanely, fairly and justly and assist children as well as adults in:
a. Coming to terms with what has occurred with them.
b. Resolving issues and obtaining the necessary help.
c. Providing ongoing support and treatment to provide healing and restoration.
It’s Raising Eyebrows and Opening Eyes! What if it were Us? Any of Us?
Garden Conversations with Roze 